She just doesn't get it...

So, our park district offers this program called "the biggest loser", based off the television show. Basically you pay a discounted fee and get 8 weeks membership at a gym, access to a personal trainer and they teach you how to eat healthy and use the equipment. I signed up to do it. I have a terrible body image (made even worse by 2 pregnancies), and I really want to get healthy for my kids and for myself.

Saturday I met with my first personal trainer. I had to fill out some papers, and at one point, I had to circle a number saying how committed I was to the program. I did not circle the 10, which indicates total commitment, for several reasons, and I think if you know me you already know why. For those of you who don't know me too well, I'll get to my reasons a little later.

Then, I got to get on the scale (sigh), and then I got measured (even more humiliation). Then the trainer gives me the workout schedule. She wanted me to do cardio workouts 5 days a week and do strength training every 4 days. In addition to that she wanted me to attend 4 "classes" a week: yoga-lates, belly dancing (no one needs to be subjected to seeing me attempt to dance in any form), combat kick boxing, and yoga. I started to giggle a little bit- sometimes I do that when I'm nervous.

So, she asks me: " Do you think you can do all of this?" Me: "Not all of it." Her: "Why not?" Me: "My family comes first." Her: "I thought you wanted to get healthy." Me: "I do, but" (then I got cut off). Her: "Don't make excuses." Me (trying to control my temper): "Look, I have a 2 year old son that I don't get to see enough because I have to work. I have a 4 1/2 month old daughter who has health issues that I don't get to see enough because I have to work, and I haven't even been able to enjoy my daughter because all we do is go to doctor's and try to get her to eat". Her: "You're married right?" Me: "Yes, for 10 years". Her: "Can't your husband watch the kids so you can workout?" Me: "Yes, but that's not the point. I want to see my family. I will come to work out after my children have gone to bed, but I won't do it every day, because I have a husband and I want to see him." Her: "Why don't you work out in the morning? We open at 5". Me: "Well, my daughter gets up in the night, so I feed her, and then I usually get up for the day after 5". Her: "So, you can workout then". Me: "Well, not really. I have to get myself and 2 kids ready so that I can drop them off at the babysitter and then go to work". Her: "What about your husband?" Me: "He's helping me get them ready until he has to leave". Her: "So, you're not that committed to the program". Me: "Not according to your standards."

She just didn't get it.

I meet with a new personal trainer tonight. One who is married and has children. I'll let you know how that goes.