Friday, September 30, 2011

So Long September...

I'll be honest, I'm glad September is over.  It's been one month since we put the Chili Dawg to sleep.  It hasn't been an easy month for me.  I have been full of sadness and anger.  I miss my Chili Dawg.  When I had a bad day, I could count on him for a snuggle- he had the softest fur.  He never stopped smiling.  Even on his last day with us, when he couldn't even walk or stand up to greet us at the door, he still beat his tail on the floor, grinning, until we came over to greet him.
Chili's last day- still smiling
I've been angry that he was taken from us so soon.  I know some of you are saying, "he was just a dog, get over it already", but you clearly don't understand the healing power of animals (and I'm not talking about that weird stuff you see on 900 commercials).  He was special.  He brought me out of my darkness.  I know that God sent him to us to help free me from my depression and anger after my brain injury.  I've been trying to find the joy during all of this and it hasn't been easy for me. 

Here is what the Chili Dawg taught me: 1) he loved me unconditionally, just like God does, 2) you can still be beautiful when you're missing a limb, 3) live in the moment, 4) it is possible to smile & be happy through the pain.

If it wasn't for Chili Dawg's cancer, I would never have found the Tripawds website & joined "the club that no one wants to join, but everyone is glad they did".  If I had not found the Tripawds website, I would never have formed the friendships that I have since formed.  The people that I met have helped me through the beginning of Chili's battle with cancer and the end of Chili's battle with cancer, and I can never thank them enough.  The support they have shown me this past month has been incredible- the emails, the cards, the private messages, & forum posts.  I may never meet them face to face, but we are bonded through our dogs.

So while I still have a paw shaped hole in my heart, I will focus on the good memories of my Chili Dawg and try to move on.  Dakota Dawg's Mom, Shari, suggested that Noah and I make a memory book so that Noah and Juliana are able to remember him when they get older.  I think that is a good idea, and we will get started on that soon.  So, run free, Chili Dawg.  I'll catch you on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

Faithful friend
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5 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 3, 2011 at 8:44 AM

    I miss the Chili Dawg too...and Fred T Beagle and even Bear! Love Mom

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  2. JaimeOctober 3, 2011 at 1:14 PM

    We miss Chili Dawg too. Liam told me the other day that we wouldn't get to see him again until heaven :( I still miss Leia--and as special as Igor is, he will never be Leia.

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  3. AnnaOctober 3, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    Happy October! It sounds like your heart is healing some....so glad for the group of people God pointed you to.:0) Enjoy today's sunshine.

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  4. AnonymousOctober 3, 2011 at 11:05 PM

    The last two blogs have broken my heart for you. I'm so glad for Chili and your bond and so sad for your broken heart. I pray your heart is healed and joy returns again. He taught you many good lessons.

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  5. Lesley EnglingOctober 5, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    Hi Jenna-
    It's Jaime's friend Lesley again. I am glad you posted- I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. I sure do know what you have been going through. That first month after we had to have Maggie put to sleep (also cancer), I was just so sad. There were reminders of her all over the house- it felt so empty. She was our first "baby" and will always have a special place in our hearts. I have a framed picture of her on our fireplace mantel and I walk by and look at from time to time and give her a little kiss. We have started to heal- we did meet another dog at a shelter adoption event and felt like she needed to come home with us. It was a great decision- she has helped our hearts to heal- you know how a dog can do that. I still have a good cry over my sweet Maggie though from time to time. Take care, Jenna.

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