One year ago, today, I cradled your head in my lap.
Tears rolled down my face.
I let my nose breathe in your scent one final time.
I looked at Ryan.
Tears rolled down his face too.
I looked at the vet.
"I can give you some more time," she said.
"We just want his pain to be over," I cried.
She pushed the plunger.
His breathing slowed.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered over and over into his ear, as I buried my face into his fur.
His breathing stopped.
He was gone.
I laid next to his body until it grew cold.
Then I slipped off his collar, and held it so tightly.
Ryan helped me off the floor, and together we exited the office, without my special friend.
God, I thank you for giving me Chili Dawg.
My Chili Dawg video.
That was one of the worst days ever. We all hurt for you guys because Chili was an extra special dog. Love you, Jenna!
ReplyDeleteyou gave chili a last, selfless gift. his body was broken, though his spirit will forever remain strong. love never ends.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me think of the way my mom couldn't bring herself to even talk about our dog for years after she loved him enough to let go. I dread the day we face this with our own Pup. So glad Chili was one who that mattered so much. So sorry you had to say goodbye.
ReplyDeleteA heart open to that kind of unconditional love can hurt so much, but it does get better. And that heart just grows bigger and bigger from all those lessons learned.
ReplyDeleteChili helped you become the caring, kind, empathetic person you are. And he taught your children so many lessons about kindness and love and acceptance. Hard as it is, I'm so glad he was yours.
Shari
Cried through the whole video. We miss him too!
ReplyDeleteI miss that handsome boy! Loved that boy, even though we never met.
ReplyDeleteThe day we let them go is so hard, but it's the least we can do after the lifetime of unconditional love they give us. He's your special angel now.
Hugs! (of the virtual, non-awkward kind)
When Buster and Finchy were going through their rough time earlier this month you and I talked about the pain of losing a dog. It is something only dog owners can understand. We talked about the only down side of having a dog is that we tend to outlive them. But the gifts they give us during their short lives so far outweighs anything else. I miss him too, and Leia, and Fred, and Bear....
ReplyDeleteLove,
Dad