Sleepless Nights...

Ryan and I finally figured out why I haven't been sleeping well the past few weeks.  We figured it out two nights ago when I woke up screaming that there were bugs crawling all over me and Ryan literally had to wrestle me back down onto the bed (I was standing on the bed trying to get them off of me) and convince me that there were no bugs in our bedroom.  It's the increase in the dosage of my migraine medicine.  I haven't been on this dose in several years, but the last time I was, I would have vivid nightmares like this where Ryan would have to wrestle his screaming wife back into bed and convince her that there were no bugs, snakes, spiders, etc crawling all over her.  If you've ever read the book "Go Ask Alice", this is how I imagine her bad LSD trip starting out.

Now, you're probably saying, you said it's been a few weeks that you haven't been sleeping well, but you just started having the crazy bug nightmares a few days ago, how is that related?  Well, I'll tell you.  This time, my nightmares didn't start with bugs.  They started with Juliana and her heart.  I have been having vividly detailed nightmares of Juliana being in open heart surgery, with me watching from above, and then having the surgeon look up at me and shake his head, meaning she died.  I wake up sweating, run to the bathroom and throw up (usually), and then go and check on Juliana.  The weird thing is that I stopped worrying about her heart back in the summer and gave that to God.

Hopefully I'll never have the heart surgery nightmare again (I'd also like the bug one to stop, but I'll take it over the heart surgery one), because today we received good news about Juliana's heart.  All 3 holes are closed, yay!  Her left ventricle is still enlarged and the cardiologist is going to continue to monitor that, but yay for good news!