I don't know about you, but as a parent, no one wants to hear those words uttered by any doctor. I have been struggling with whether or not I should post this, but maybe it will be therapeutic for me.
Since I have heard those words uttered by different doctors about Juliana, I have been dealing with a lot of different emotions. Those words hurt, no matter who speaks them. I feel like I am failing my daughter. We can't get her to eat. No one can tell us what is wrong with her or how to fix her. I am angry. We live in the 21st century where there are so many advances in medicine, and yet all these brilliant minds can't figure out how to get a 9 month old how to eat.
I went to see my migraine doctor yesterday. My blood pressure was high. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have very low blood pressure. One time a doctor told me that with my blood pressure I should be on a slab in a morgue, not standing in front of them. During my pregnancies when many women are told their blood pressure is high, I had to do things to boost my blood pressure- caffeine, compression stockings. So the fact that my blood pressure is high, says something. Merle wants me to take a leave of absence from school because she feels that my stress level is too high causing my blood pressure to be high. I'll be honest, school is my escape from the stress. It's a time when yes, I'm worrying about Juliana and her eating issues, but my mind is able to drift away from that for a little while. If I took a leave of absence, I think, and others agree, that my stress level would be even higher, because I would be dealing with Juliana's eating problem 24/7 without any relief. It's not like she eats better for me, or Ryan, or Theresa. The burden and worry are shared between the 3 of us, which I think makes it less stressful.
I don't like the phrase "failure to thrive". It hurts me every day. Juliana is small. She doesn't eat. I get that. But don't tell me that she's failing. I am doing the best that I can. We are doing the best that we can. Juliana is fighting to the best of her ability. We won't give up. There's too much at stake for us to give up.