Forgiven...

About 13 years ago in the spring, I was the closing assistant manager at Blockbuster Video. The guy closing with me was a friend. My mom used to say, "I never worry about you closing when you are closing with Jeff".

That night was a rough night. One of the registers was off by a lot. I told Jeff he could go home after we closed, because I had to figure out where the money was. Jeff decided to stay so he could make sure I got to my car safely. At the time I thought that he was being nice. Around 1:30 AM, I gave up. I couldn't figure out where the money had gone. My manager was opening in the morning, so I left him a note on which drawer was short and that I had checked everything. Then, I set the alarm, locked the doors, and started to walk to my car.

All of a sudden, Jeff grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. At first, I didn't understand what was going on. I thought I was dreaming. Then I realized what was happening and a wrestling match ensued. Jeff outweighed me by a lot, but I did put up a struggle. I was screaming in my head at God to help me get out of this situation. I remember Jeff stopped and I just ran to my car, started it and sped out of the parking lot. When I got home I jumped into the shower and cried.

I told my parents what had happened. I told my boss what had happened (he also found the missing money). Jeff was fired and I never saw him again, but that didn't mean that I didn't carry the baggage with me. The first time Ryan kissed me, I ran back to my apartment at college and threw up in the toilet. It brought so many horrible memories back. I had trust issues with Ryan, but fortunately Ryan is a patient and wonderful man, and he helped me get through my issues. As time has passed, my flashbacks have gotten less and less. I usually only have them once or twice a year and I wake up in a cold sweat and screaming- it's usually when Ryan is out of town.

A few Sunday's ago, Dennis mentioned that while you can forgive someone who molested your child, that doesn't mean you leave your child alone with that person. I realized that I haven't forgiven Jeff for what he did in that parking lot, and it is probably time for me to do that. So here it is. Jeff, wherever you are, I forgive you and I thank you for stopping when you did.